Monday, September 14, 2009

And now

So last week my bosses wife and daughter were up to learn my job and Friday I sent them off (literally at the airport) with all my important files and order books and all, so I guess after 9.5 years of doing the same job, it now changes? Yikes! But part of me is relieved, but part of me is thinking - driving around all the time in my last 4 months of pregnancy, but I know I can do it!
Friday night I crashed so early I was exhausted, but Saturday we went to the shops and then started washing down the walls and filling cracks in the walls and sanding down all the cupboards and such in the baby's room! I am just so excited, it is taking a lot longer to prepare than we planned, but isn't that always the case. We bought all the paint and are going natural neutral colours, beige and such, but then will make the curtains and such more colourful and baby like. So now we can't really work on it much until we get home after our week away, but it is all prepared and they will come put in a new carpet after we have painted too, so very excited that we are now starting on the baby journey! As in doing things for it and such.
I have asked my MIL to come baby shopping with me once we back and they back from their holiday. As she is so excited and is jumping to come with me. Will also go 1 day with my sister. Just to get ideas and decide what to actually buy. As we have kindly been given a pram, cot, car seat, camping cot, so it is the little things now. Plus the baby monitor and clothes and nappies. Oh and sheets for the cot.
I can't believe I am now getting there. 22.5 weeks!
Just trying to ignore the work situation now that my main job has been handed over and focus on my pregnancy and health!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Scared to be happy

I realised this morning while brushing my hair. I am scared to be happy?
At 16 weeks pregnant I was ecstatic, we saw little Baby and everything was good, the next day this whole thing with my boss lands on my head, then the next day the whole thing with my friend loosing her husband after giving birth to their child and I haven't been that happy since. I am too scared to feel that absolute happiness that makes you want to jump for joy, cause I think in my subconscious if I am happy then something bad will happen? Does this make sense? I don't know how to get out of this?
On Friday I spoke to my mom and just sobbed and sobbed on the phone to her, made my poor mom cry cause she is far away now! But this thing with my boss seems to have tainted my pregnancy and it is so sad, I am so angry @ him for doing this to me. These are meant to be the best times ever, being pregnant and enjoying my pregnancy and all I can do is stress and worry about work and what to do? The not knowing is also a killer. I HATE not knowing. It makes me so mad. I always want to know things .... that is why baby is probably not showing 100%, cause I have to learn to stand back and be patient! BUT HOW???? How do you teach yourself patience?
So I think I am scared to be happy ... otherwise things might go wrong? How do I stop these silly thoughts?