I realised this morning while brushing my hair. I am scared to be happy?
At 16 weeks pregnant I was ecstatic, we saw little Baby and everything was good, the next day this whole thing with my boss lands on my head, then the next day the whole thing with my friend loosing her husband after giving birth to their child and I haven't been that happy since. I am too scared to feel that absolute happiness that makes you want to jump for joy, cause I think in my subconscious if I am happy then something bad will happen? Does this make sense? I don't know how to get out of this?
On Friday I spoke to my mom and just sobbed and sobbed on the phone to her, made my poor mom cry cause she is far away now! But this thing with my boss seems to have tainted my pregnancy and it is so sad, I am so angry @ him for doing this to me. These are meant to be the best times ever, being pregnant and enjoying my pregnancy and all I can do is stress and worry about work and what to do? The not knowing is also a killer. I HATE not knowing. It makes me so mad. I always want to know things .... that is why baby is probably not showing 100%, cause I have to learn to stand back and be patient! BUT HOW???? How do you teach yourself patience?
So I think I am scared to be happy ... otherwise things might go wrong? How do I stop these silly thoughts?
Sjoe, i was the same way. I was cared to be happy till he was born and then I was scared there is something wrong with him! Weird! I AM NOT TRYING TO SCARE YOU! :)
ReplyDeleteI sur ehopr your boss can catch a wake up soon! This is sucha special time. Please try not to stress too much! I know it is easier said than done hey!
You look fab and ENJOY THIS TIME!!! Screw the rest my friend! Cant wait to see this belly in OCT!
Shame Bel. You have to learn to switch off to the rest of the world. Try to absorb yourself in yourself and your pregnancy. Try not to internalise what's going on around you so much. One step at a time. I know it's hard.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was pregnant with cameron the company I was working at was going down hill. The previous owner had been defrauding the company, the company was bought out by a UK shareholder, there were rumours of it closing down and of course, there were retrenchments. It was crap. I loved working there and Iloved the people I worked with - so hard to see your friends lose their jobs - they didnt touch me cos I was pregnant I guess!
Anyway, I was a bit stressed about it and then when I was abiut 20 weeks I thought BUGGER THIS... and I switched off. I just thought to myself, I am going to enjoy this pregnancy, I dont want to stress my baby out (I was worried it would make him colic), I am going to be happy that I wasnt retrenched and I am going to go on maternity leave and not feel one bit guilty. And that's what i did.
Just try to switch off Bel. Dont over- analyse things. I know what's happening with your boss isnt nice but screw him anyway. Get your pay check every month, irrittate the hell out of him cos you arent leaving and then go on maternity leave without a care. Once you are on leave you can think about getting a new job.
Just coast for now ;-)
I wish I could give your boss a piece of my mind! I wish he would just back off that you can enjoy this very special time in your life!
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