Update

Sorry I have been missing in action for the last few days Blogging diary! I have had a bit of a crappy week!

I guess I am not meant to blog about my boss, but I really don't care! He was here for 2.5 days Wed - Friday and I had to chauffeur him around to see our customers and he doesn't offer to drive morning sickness or not! Was a long 2.5 days! Friday I was a walking talking wreck! I had coccyx pain and was just tired and grumpy!

My weekend was good, can't complain, just very busy between braai's and teas and shopping at Builders Warehouse, G is making a frame for the fish tank he made for our room over a year ago! Went gyming and was just busy?

Yesterday I had to drive out to Roslyn (Roswell) and back to see 1 customer for 15min! What a long morning! Get home to my Dad arriving back from Howick and my sister arriving to pick up her bird and then my boss phones me in a mood from hell, craps all over me for a few things. Like posting something in accounts wrong (I am not an accountant, I have never studied to be 1, never been on a course to learn anything about it, but just know things), turns out he was wrong too! Haha! But can't see him taking that like a man, I will wait and see! And about other things! He must have been in a mood with something else and taken it out on me, but yesterday was not the day to do that and I argued back (which I never do) and put down the phone and promptly burst into tears and sobbed for a good 30min! Wow these pregnancy emotions are so whacked out! Not used to the crying and sad depressed feelings I keep getting!

So thanks to the tears, woke up with such bad sinus this morning along with bad morning sickness (poor G wakes up to me heaving at 5:30am.) So today then hasn't been a good 1, but am slowly coming out of the black cloud that has surrounded me for the last week!

I just wish it was the 1st July, I want that scan like you can't believe! I want to see a healthy little baby moving madly and letting me know all is ok! I feel things are still ok, but then I doubt myself and my feelings ...

I had a very odd dream the other night. I dreamt that this little hand and then this little foot would poke out of my tummy, but when I mean little I mean like smaller than a pinkie size! My skin stretched like a balloon in the shape of what was poking out, was really odd, but I was so happy when I woke up!

Missing hubby

I feel better today. G is enjoying his diving, just not coping too well with the socialising part, which I am quite happy about cause that means he probably won't go alone again (am I mean?). He goes on a boys holiday once a year and that I don't mind about at all! They have a blast, play too many sports, eat too much junk and in general just have fun! I encourage it to the horror of my mother and MIL It is the going away with strangers that freaks me out a bit!

Shame he said I made the right choice not going, he said it isn't for non divers and the accommodation is communal and he said it just isn't me! Am I a snob ... yikes! But I think he is right. I wasn't keen on going at all, plus it took them 12 hours to get there instead of 8, due to heavy mist and a detour on the roads! if I was on the road for that long I would have been 1 grumpy bunny!

Yesterday I missed him like mad, but today I am ok, just wishing him a safe journey home after their dive tomorrow!

Sad Today

Sad for a few reasons today.

1) Probably hormonal!

2) G is going away tomorrow morning (I have to drop him at 4am) for 4 days with 22 other people diving in Sodwanna and I don't want him to go, I want him to stay home with me!

3) This is the period when Splodge died in my last pregnancy and I don't want to be, but I am scared, I so want this little one I am carrying now! I really do!

4) My stupid dumb ass sister on Wed told me I was fat, but in such a way that just cut to the bone and knocked me off my feet! I normally don't let her upset me ever as she isn't very tactful ... ever! I am 1.75m tall and 58kg and pregnant! But this time it just pissed me off to the degree I want nothing to do with her for awhile! She arrived out of the blue yesterday afternoon to give me a hug WTF the last person I would want a hug from is her! Then it all became about her again and how wonderful she is (but poor me at the same time? How does she do that), luckily I was on my way out the driveway to go to gym, so didn't have to listen to her for too long! Dumb ass! Speak of the devil she just phoned??? I don't want to talk to her! My friend says it is always a competition with her with me, why? Leave me alone!

I just want to cry and cry and cry! My boss is up next week from Wed morning to Friday morning and I don't feel like him and G will just be home and he has made me make appointments at like 5pm at the other side of the city! So what time will I get home?

Sorry just blaaag today and am sad and I want it to be the 1st of July with good news!

Egypt

Well when I was 21 my best friend & I decided to go to London and do the working, travelling thing, we did it for a year, it was learning curve and a blast at the same time. 1 place we went to was Egypt and did I love that place, after we had gotten back to London, then come back to sunny SA for a holiday, she stayed here and I went back to Lon for 6 months to save like mad then went to Egypt. I just loved that place. I stayed at our tour leaders place for a few weeks, went down to Hurghada, but didn't find work, so went back to Cairo, I found a job through a sister of a friend of the tour leader and worked as a teacher for 2 months, I taught English to 6 year olds and I seriously didn't cope. They came crying to me in Arabic and wanted me to fix them, I just couldn't as my Arabic was non existent.

So I put my cv in at a agency and became a secretary for a lawyer. Dr Nagla, she was 1 lawyer in a huge huge law firm over there, she was just brilliant. I loved working for her. She was such an inspiration to me. I used to work the oddest of hours 10am - 8pm and then sometimes when an article had to be in, I would work 24 hours, but get the next day off. We worked 6 days a week and Friday was our day off.

Was interesting in all as I worked in reception and there was a big hall outside my door on the 4th floor and at prayer time the guys would all throw down their mats and start their prayers, but to me it was awkward as Mecca was behind me ... not good, so I used to go disappear into the offices long side until they were finished and if the big boss called during that time, it was a nightmare to get upstairs to him, as I had to go past the prayers without them seeing me as I felt it was disrespectful to run past while they were praying. There was such a nice group of people working there. I became really good friends with a lawyer there, he was such a good friend and still is to this day. The amount of times I crashed into his office to chat and he was praying was uncountable, but he never got angry with me, he always just laughed later. He showed me places and introduced me to new people.

I became good friends with the tour leaders 1 friends ex girlfriend M. She was lovely, she reminded me of my 1 sister here. Her and her family were so kind to me. Her sister M2and I used to have major debates all the time, it was always good fun! It was an interesting family as the mom was Christian and the father was Muslim and the kids were brought up Muslim, but accepted the christian beliefs. they lived over the road from a church and the singing that came from there used to bring tears to my eyes. They had a cook that would come once a week and make food for the week. I loved the food there! Just loved it!

I got so used to the mosques and the calls it became part of my life and the cars charging down the 3 laned roads 5 cars abreast, was crazy, with all their honking and yelling, I am surprised there weren't more accidents.

Another friend of mine was a tour-leader's sister and her family, I was always invited to stay there and eat their. I became friends with 2 of the daughters and 1 ran away while I was there and the other 1 sadly died of MS at 26 years of age, a year after I got home. Was so sad as it happened so quickly, 1 minute fine, next minute MS and collapsed int he bat and couldn't be revived. She was an angel. So kind and caring.

I don't know what I would have done without these wonderful people in my life. I rented a 2 bedroom apartment and shared a phone with the floor below me. Was very weird! I learnt how to speak street Arabic from the tea boys at work and could shout the shop owners down, just like the rest of them. They used to refuse to bring me more of the coffee saying it was too rich for my foreign stomach. they were funny!

The poor Egyptians used to get so confused, they thought I was from America cause I was blond, but when I told them I was from South Africa, they used to laugh and say no way, you not black!

I went all over Egypt, to an oasis and down sand dunes on land rovers and Alexandra and the Pyramids way too many times and riding on Camels, now camels are not the most friendly creatures, they stink and they blow raspberries at you if you not careful. Every time I had people come visit from England (those were my only visitors, friends I had made there) I had to do all the sights with them, was quite funny, them with a foreign guide.

I took them all to a cruise on the Nile with Belly dancing and such. Always a bit hit and the people on the boat got to know me and make way for me, was fun.

I had a friend over from England and we were in another friends car and we were in a major accident, my friend was driving fast, but another car was reversing on a highway in the fast lane, so they hit each other. I broke my nose and stuffed up my back, my friend was in the front and she broke the windscreen wither her head and my friend the driver, he got beaten up by the other driver??? Was all crazy and all I could think was I must hold my handbag so it won't get stolen ... it wouldn't have there, crime was non existent then. We went to a hospital and were treated like queens!

There were some really dodgy guys, but learnt how to handle them ... I got a taxi once (that was how I travelled) and 1 drove away with me, wouldn't let me go, I had a gold ring on purpose and shouted at him that my husband was Egyptian and going to kill him, he took me straight to where I asked. I learnt the hard way there, but never felt threatened or unsafe. I even learnt the buses to the shock of my friend who would never catch a bus in their own country! i found 1 driver who I phoned and he would do my usual trips for me, made life easier!

I went to the dodgiest of dodgy neighbourhoods with a friend and as we walked to the flat we were going to the door opened by a fully covered girl and she was a guest there too, and the person I was with said "oh wow I haven't seen you for years, how are you? I didn't know you were coming", I sat there thinking, how how how did you know who that was under all that! Haha!

My friends came in all shapes and sizes and all religions and I love and respect all of my friends. Some were half covered and some didn't cover at all. I was treated like a man there because I was foreign. I could sit with the ladies or sit with the men. As they ate in separate rooms to eat if they were traditional. I often sat with the men, purely cause lots of the woman didn't speak English. was always a tough call for me.

I left there after just over 1 year to come home, it was my cousins wedding and I felt it was time to come home after travelling for just over 2.5 years. It was an experience of a lifetime and I loved being there and living their life. I look back now 11 years on and wonder how I did it, how I went to a foreign country that spoke no English and lived for a year with friends who's English was never excellent, but were kind and amazing. I could never do that now, no way, but guess it was something I had to do in my life and am so glad I did.

Why do I kneed a title

Yesterday was so nerve wracking, even though I knew all was ok somehow? My last pregnancy I saw the baby dot at 4.3 weeks and then again at 6, the doc said he didn't need to see me till 12 weeks, but at 12 weeks there was nothing to see. So going to see what I thought was going to be a bigger little dot than at 6 weeks and it was 19.1mm, wow nearly 2cm! How awesome is that? He focused on the baby, who looked like a misshapen bean and I could actually see the little heart beating madly in it's chest! That was just the most amazing sight I could ever see, I just wanted to cry! Then he turned on the sound and heard the little heartbeat going so fast, was amazing. G came with and was a bit confused by it all!

Doc then sent us to his rooms to chat. He understood my nerves and was very sweet, actually told me more than he did last time, but we also asked more as we had more of an idea than last time! He has given me progesterone for another 15 days, so will take me to 26 June. He laughed when I said I did belly dancing and could I continue! He said it will probably become uncomfortable in the next few weeks, will pull and tug on the ligaments, but I can do it until I feel too uncomfortable. He said no running at all and no weights at the gym. Said I must only do light cardio and light weights on the mat, which is easy enough! So can do my walks around the neighbourhood every other day.

Shame my poor mom was in tears this morning on the phone to me, she is not coping with the dogs down there and is going to try find a home for the 1. It is so sad, but Skellum is a Jack Russel and wants attention all the time and cries when she is left alone and tries to get out and cause they renting, there is no fence so Mom has to put on their harnesses every time and at 2am it isn't easy! I really hope they can find her a good home cause she is the most divine friendly dog! Just has no car sense!

Happy

Woke up feeling like the cloud that has been hanging over my head had disappeared! I had a bit more energy.

I love G so much, he sometimes drives me mad, but in general I absolutely love him to bits. I often think he thinks in the now and I forget that thinking about the now isn't G, he always has a plan for tomorrow. He told me last night we'll get through anything that is thrown at us and I think he is right, we will!

I am grateful he is coping with having my Dad stay with us with his damn pipe! I never believed my mother that it was such a menace! Geez that thing stinks and him with it. Neither G or I handle smoke at all being non smokers and G having asthma as a kid is more sensitive. so G putting up with him invading our space is wonderful. Thanks Gorgeous!

I am off soon to do my yearly eye test & get more lenses and perhaps more glasses as mine are terrible!

Weekend

Shew what a social weekend. I am exhausted!

Friday I made taco's and both G & dad seemed to enjoy them, I struggled, but liked the salad side of them. Saturday I went to meet an old friend from school days, it was a lovely catch up! She hasn't changed, 1 bit! Spent 3 hours with her. Then got home to my messy kitchen my Dad was teaching G to make fruit liquores! My poor kitchen, so did a quick clean up and went off to Eileen's baby shower, which was lovely! Sheena & her mom put in soooo much work! Met Mandri! What a lovely lady! Got home to a house full of men to watch the rugby (G doesn't watch rugby, but my dad said he wanted to, so G made an evening of it!) I was so tired. I had a cup of tea, made a salad and baked some potatoes in the microwave and then sat down and didn't move much the whole evening. I crashed about 10 and didn't even hear everyone leave???

I was so grumpy yesterday, had our cousin get together here instead of the botanical gardens, was cold and was lovely, but my sister was in a poor me frame of mind and at the same time so bolshy about 4 of her ex's wanting her back????? I have no patience for her I really don't. The rest of us were having fun, then they left and my sister stayed and instead of having a nice chat she is negative and poor me all the time, I sometimes want to shake her and say wake up girl, there is more out there than what you see. Then I get stupid comments and I was so tired of socialising I eventually told her that it was time for her to leave! She wasn't happy, but I would have totally lost my cool.

I went and had a nap and felt better and then G came home from diving and starts on at me about my bosses choice and says maybe just take 2 months maternity leave as we can't afford more. Well I nearly lost it. I got so mad. Men just don't understand, I really don't think they do. I just wanted to cry and disappear into a hole in the ground for a few days! He took me out for Chinese last night and was much better. Think he spoke without thinking. Oh well time will tell with that, 7 months to be precise, well I guess less than, but anyway!

I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I must open my eyes and my ears and the answer will be told to me, but know I have to have patience! Patience is so hard to come by! Gee wish I could go buy it at a shop!

I sound negative too, guess I am having a down day!