Last Week

So this is my last week of work and I still have no idea on what is happening regarding pay and everything, damn the idiot! But the wheel turns and I must just have patience!

I can't believe I will suddenly be a house wife until baby comes cause then I become a stay at home mom, until I get a job again, but yikes it is a scary thought, I have had money and been working (only weekends & holidays to begin with until after school) since I was 13. So (blush blush) 20 years of having my own money and being independent and now suddenly I have to rely on G? Not that his salary alone covers our expenses, but still! This is a life changing mind blowing huge step for me and I am rather apprehensive.

What am I going to do with myself???? Next week I have to get a whole lot of things for my folks, as I am off to see them the following week for a week in Howick and obviously they miss certain things you can get in Jhb! So doing that, will bring a whole lot of the stuff inside to my outside office seen as it won't be an office anymore and will be an empty space!

The following week I am in Howick and G goes on his annual boys holiday! Glad for him, think he needs it quite badly at the moment.

Then ..... what happens? Yikes! ! ! I have until when ever baby Shaw decides to make her appearance to do what???? I guess I can sew a few things and pre cook a few things and then ???? What?? LOL guess I will surprise myself and have so much to do? I can hope hey?

I guess still will be trying to sort out lawyers and work kuk to begin with too, oh and then the CCMA, I have to do that no matter what! I am not laying down and being walked over .... I refuse ... I just hope I am taking the right steps along the way!

My pregnancy is going well, I feel baby Shaw all the time now and panic if I don't ... does it ever end??? My stomach has grown to huge proportions and I am loving it even though it is uncomfy a lot of the time! The heart burn isn't my friend, but can cope, but must say I am sick of eating salad!

We go for the 29 week scan on Wednesday ... already! Time she is flying! Can't wait for that!

I am soooooo going to miss my new found friends on OPM and the net and Skype. Girls you have kept me sane for the last few months and I can't wait to get back online to keep it up!

And I am really looking forward to the brunch on Saturday, to meet new people and ones I know, but haven't met!

Treacle

Geez it feels like I am dragging myself through treacle and not getting anywhere very fast at all. This whole thing with my boss seems to have been going on for months and months now! We still haven't come to any sort of conclusion, but I have spoken to a few labour lawyers and seen 1 too and I am getting screwed out of money, but not as much as I was hoping due to them structuring my salary backwards, go figure! Why oh why? There must be a reason!

Anyway on a positive note ... I have a lawyer on the car thing that hates my boss for a few reasons and is going to get me my car for minimal cost just to get back at him! whoo hoo ... there is a light, just not a big 1 yet!

My LO is doing well I think, turning and twisting and shew interesting feelings in my body, but love them cause then I know all is ok. We going for our 4D scan on Thursday and I am so looking forward to that. I really hope we can see alot and find out the sex for once and for all!

The baby's room is coming along. I still have to paint the window frames and today at that, but am struggling to find the energy! Cause they are coming to put in the carpet tomorrow. Then we can start moving stuff in, which is exciting!

Shew it is hot today, if the pool wasn't still too cold I would swim, that is for sure!

Life can change so quickly

G and I had a lovely time in Plett, we walked about 8km every day along the beaches and I read a load of books (4 Harry Potter books in 1 week, the last 4, so big books) and G dived a lot. All in all it was very relaxing and peaceful. We saw whales every day while we were there and I always find seeing whales and dolphins special.

I was a bit uncomfortable the whole time and baby didn't move too much, but still moved, so was worried, but not! Saturday arrived back in Jhb and as we got off the plane baby started going mad, so that was a relief.

Sunday G and I started painting babies room, taking a lot longer than we planned for, that is for sure! But starting to look good.

Monday lunch time I get an email from my boss to say he will be in Jhb and see me on Tuesday morning 8:30am.

He walks into the office with words of doom and gloom about how badly the company is doing and hana hana hana and he has to close Jhb office down? Which I was expecting, not cause we doing badly, but because I went against his wishes with the car, idiot! So he tells me that I must agree to a Separation Clause and he will pay me October and will sign the car over to me? I mean WTF? As in I must resign, I think not, but I don't give him any inkling that I am against this and say I will speak to my hubby and lawyer and speak the next day. He says he will be in my office at 8:30, so I said no I told you I had my gynae appointment so I will contact him once I am back! I speak to my lawyer and he dictates what I must write back, which I do and send an email to my boss, saying no I will not resign, retrench me if the company is doing so badly!

Wednesday we go for the 25 week scan and baby is doing well, laying breech, head up bum down, but there is loads of room in there Dr says, so not worried. He says baby is 868g, I mean how cute, nearly 1kg .... G and I are over the moon.

I climb back into the car and get a message from the boss saying he has to drop off a letter and pick up files, am I back yet, I mean really, idiot, give me time! So I make him wait from 8:30 till 9:30 ... and then say I am here!

He comes and drops off the proper documents for a retrenchment AND if he could shoot fire out his eyes I would be a burning bush. I mean he is in Jhb has no printer with him, so the slimy sleaze ball was just trying his luck! He had the docs with him anyway! He tells me to meet him at 12:30 on Wednesday in Modderfontein!

I get told by my lawyer, then a friend via her boss and my neighbour who is a lawyer that the boss is stuffed as he has gone about this all in the wrong way and I can sue his arse!

Wednesday I meet with the boss, as technically he has to read through the whole letter with me and ask questions and take minutes. He looks terrible (ag shampies man, NOT) and acts all sorry that he is doing this to me... like ja RIGHT! I ask what he is planning to give me and we can work from there. I don't bring up the car again and neither does he.

But if I don't get what is rightfully mine and the car that is legally mine thanks to his letter, I will go to the CCMA as there is a big case against him and I could stuff with him big time ... so now it is the waiting game, to see what he will give me for my million $ signature!

I have to meet him next Thursday to see what the next step is. Sigh, but I am calm and I know there is an end to him in sight, as in an end to me having anything to do with this horrible horrible man! All going well I get the car, I get paid until the end of the year and then I can claim normal UIF for 6 months, which works out more than Maternity UIF for 4 months. So I am holding fingers, toes and everything else and hoping it works in my favour!

And now

So last week my bosses wife and daughter were up to learn my job and Friday I sent them off (literally at the airport) with all my important files and order books and all, so I guess after 9.5 years of doing the same job, it now changes? Yikes! But part of me is relieved, but part of me is thinking - driving around all the time in my last 4 months of pregnancy, but I know I can do it!

Friday night I crashed so early I was exhausted, but Saturday we went to the shops and then started washing down the walls and filling cracks in the walls and sanding down all the cupboards and such in the baby's room! I am just so excited, it is taking a lot longer to prepare than we planned, but isn't that always the case. We bought all the paint and are going natural neutral colours, beige and such, but then will make the curtains and such more colourful and baby like. So now we can't really work on it much until we get home after our week away, but it is all prepared and they will come put in a new carpet after we have painted too, so very excited that we are now starting on the baby journey! As in doing things for it and such.

I have asked my MIL to come baby shopping with me once we back and they back from their holiday. As she is so excited and is jumping to come with me. Will also go 1 day with my sister. Just to get ideas and decide what to actually buy. As we have kindly been given a pram, cot, car seat, camping cot, so it is the little things now. Plus the baby monitor and clothes and nappies. Oh and sheets for the cot.

I can't believe I am now getting there. 22.5 weeks!

Just trying to ignore the work situation now that my main job has been handed over and focus on my pregnancy and health!

Scared to be happy

I realised this morning while brushing my hair. I am scared to be happy?

At 16 weeks pregnant I was ecstatic, we saw little Baby and everything was good, the next day this whole thing with my boss lands on my head, then the next day the whole thing with my friend loosing her husband after giving birth to their child and I haven't been that happy since. I am too scared to feel that absolute happiness that makes you want to jump for joy, cause I think in my subconscious if I am happy then something bad will happen? Does this make sense? I don't know how to get out of this?

On Friday I spoke to my mom and just sobbed and sobbed on the phone to her, made my poor mom cry cause she is far away now! But this thing with my boss seems to have tainted my pregnancy and it is so sad, I am so angry @ him for doing this to me. These are meant to be the best times ever, being pregnant and enjoying my pregnancy and all I can do is stress and worry about work and what to do? The not knowing is also a killer. I HATE not knowing. It makes me so mad. I always want to know things .... that is why baby is probably not showing 100%, cause I have to learn to stand back and be patient! BUT HOW???? How do you teach yourself patience?

So I think I am scared to be happy ... otherwise things might go wrong? How do I stop these silly thoughts?

Another week gone by

I was so good at writing in my journal and on my blog and now I have totally lost it! Has my life become boring? I have no clue? I am finding it rather stressful at the moment though.

So I went for my 20 week scan. I am half way? Half way? I always hoped it would happen and I would have a healthy happy baby at the end of my 9 months, but after my MC, I celebrate every week that goes by and I am still pregnant. My gynae spent a good 20 min on baby and checked everything. How he knows what it all is must take years and years of practice. G & I could see a few thing he pointed out and recognised, but in general we were just watching. Baby is always sleeping when we go for our scans. But low and behold as soon as we leave and I sit back at my pc, it wakes up again.

Gynae think it is a girl about 80%, but boy is she shy, does not intent to show her bits off to us. So for now I will mention baby as a she, but it might change at the next scan, who knows. The gynae showed us all 4 chambers of the heart and brain measurements and all, was amazing. It is a true miracle. She already sits like mom. 1 leg out straight and the other curled under her. Her little heart was beating 153bpm, which was amazing.

I even went and bought her 1st little outfit yesterday, I haven't bought a thing and thought come on B you can do this, so did and a little rattle. So I am now officially thinking in 20 weeks we will have a LO in our lives, to love and to hold and to cherish.

G & I are having fun batting names back and fourth, G is set on 1, but we will see. I really like it, but I don't like to have names set in stone until she is born. What if she doesn't look like the name we choose once she is born?

Anyway I am so glad it is Friday. I am going for lunch with my best friend and her cousin today with their babies. Think I deserve to get out and about after the last month I have had!

TGIF

Can the weeks go by any more slowly than they are? Actually I lie they are going past fast, just hating work, doesn't help me get through my week. Actually I lie again. I enjoy my work, just not the situation with my boss. That is what gets to me the most! Shew I lied so much there and I normally try not to lie! But my negative side comes out too quickly at the moment with this situation. 3 weeks and he has not said 1 word to me? He only communicates via email? I mean really. But anyway, life plods on and what can I do? Patience .... patience ... patience is all I must focus on.

My cousin came over for dinner and said I look the happiest I have in ages, which surprised me, but then thinking about it I had bad Morning sickness and was exhausted and I think bored at the same time, so this has brought the energy and blood to my veins as I have an aim and focus. So bad things are good in a backwards kind of way?

I gave my poor hubby a hard time on Wednesday night, poor man, wasn't his fault at all, just me being a bit hormonal I guess. Felt very unloved, but going to see Cathy on Wednesday and seeing how sad she is broke my heart and wore me down. Poor girl. But Keagan is the most gorgeous little guy and gives his mom so many smiles.