.......

Why am I suddenly feeling all anxious and stressed again? I was feeling great by the end of last week! How can that peaceful feeling dissapear so quickly?

We had a good weekend, had a few good laughs and some veg time. Was great. Went to G's cousin's litle ones 1st birthday and I sadly enough found it harder than I thought I would. There was this lovely pregnant lady there and she looked so lovely and glowingly (is that a real word?) pregnant (other than uncomfortable) and I just thought, no fair, that should be me. Bah, hate this!

I at last made a consious effort and I sorted out the end room as it had just become a dumping ground for everything. I think I used to go into there to just dump stuff and not put it away as all the baby stuff we got from a friend who was immagrating is in there and it is a reminder everytime I go in there on what we have lost! I know within my heart of hearts that we will have a happy bouncing baby in the near future, but I can't help but let that little niggling feeling of doubt kreep into my brain, I try to shoo it out, but it isn't easy. Then yesterdayI sorted out "my room" hung up allt he inherited paintings we got and tidied up all the "dress up clothing" - haha reading that sounds kinky. Put away all the bills and stuff, so I feel cleansed in a different way now too. The clutter has gone! G made an awesome meal last night, it is so nice that he has taken to cooking and he is so good at it, he wants to try all these new recipie's and I am boring and do the same old same old. But I get a break from cookign once a weeka nd it is sooooo nice. I am spoilt!

We go away on Friday. I hope I can relax this holiday, these anxious horrible feelings must fly far far far away and NOT come back! My angel cards keep telling me to go to the ocean ... so that is what we are doing ... well that was planned before I kept getting them,, but still! A swim in the ocean will be awesome! The last part of my cleansing process!